Families have different configurations, different histories, different dynamics, but, overall, the importance of family to us is undeniable. The family is one of the primary microsystems for human development, and it can have a profound impact on our lives, shaping us in ways that are more or less positive. Evidence from the fields of Psychology and Neuroscience is clear: family impacts child development on multiple levels, from brain development, emotional regulation and mental health, to social and academic skills, among others. It is known that the relationships, environment, and experiences a child has in their first years of life are fundamental to their short- and long-term development.
It is essential to have information, but at a time when knowledge is so abundant and widespread, the pressure we put on ourselves is naturally greater. Parents today live more stressed lives, with more pressure and demands, inundated with advice and recommendations. Nevertheless, there may also be more openness to admitting frustrations and difficulties in managing family dynamics and asking for help.
A family can be hard work and require effort, but when the family is a source of comfort, security, support, affection, and boundaries, it can be an essential protective factor, helping children grow with more confidence in themselves and the world, and contributing to their well-being and mental health.
There are no perfect families; each family member has their own characteristics, each one experiences different internal and external challenges, has better and worse days and phases… thus, accepting and loving our family as it is, knowing how to recognize our mistakes and learn from them, and repairing relationships in the face of ruptures is essential.
Breakups (when we misunderstand, misjudge, or hurt others) are inevitable in any intimate and family relationship. It is the repair that matters. (Perry, 2020)
Unfortunately, we are not always lucky enough to grow up in a healthy family, and there are situations where finding other families is the only way. However, as adults, in building our own families, it is up to us, within our capabilities, to do the best we can.
Therefore, we offer just a few suggestions for strengthening family relationships:
Live and relive memories and traditions, both from past generations and those created by your family;
Try to create daily rituals of connection, moments of closeness, of sharing affection, of communication, of feeling seen, loved, and cared for;
Try creating family mottos that structure and highlight what’s most important (e.g., “one for all and all for one”);
Find time for family, quality time in your daily lives, in addition to the time you can spend together during holidays and special occasions;
Play games and activities together, listen to music, dance, whatever… have fun in your own way;
Try using games and conversation cards, they can be very useful for getting closer and getting to know each other better;
Celebrate your family on Family Day (and other days), give a family hug, express aloud your gratitude for your family and for each member that composes it.
Hoffman, K., Cooper, G., & Powell, B. (2017). Raising a secure child: How circle of security parenting can help you nurture your child’s attachment, emotional resilience, and freedom to explore. Guilford Publications.
National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (2007). The Science of Early Childhood Development: Closing the Gap Between What We Know and What We Do. Retrieved from www.developingchild.harvard.edu.
Perry, P. (2019). The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did). UK: Penguin Books.
